I have a week off from work which is much needed, I have to make some important decisions this week regarding my career as I have an oppertunity which is great for me career wise but may not help with my health issues. The role involves a drive of 1.5 hours each way compared to my usual ten minute trip into town.
I was a big up day yesterday which may be good but I find myself acting a little childish when these days occur. I am not complaining they are better then down days but one always worries about the impression given to colleuges.
Never mind the week ahead looks promising with trips planned and my partners birthday celebrations on Thursday onwards.
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Finding a sleep balance
Have had problems getting sleep, the doctor has increased my anti depressants to help me feel drousy but they seem to make me want to sleep at the wrong times.
Also it is difficult to judge my mood when I am always sooo tired.
The waiting list for seeing a specialist must be a long one because two weeks later and not even any confirmation letter.
I am aware that I have been in the thoughts of the special people around me this week which is great infact it is essential however I have had a very lonely feeling for a few days that has bought me to tears.
Also it is difficult to judge my mood when I am always sooo tired.
The waiting list for seeing a specialist must be a long one because two weeks later and not even any confirmation letter.
I am aware that I have been in the thoughts of the special people around me this week which is great infact it is essential however I have had a very lonely feeling for a few days that has bought me to tears.
Saturday, 6 February 2010
sick!!
I am trying to deny it but I am not feeling well!
There is still time to wait before treatment starts so just stop moaning Dan.
There is still time to wait before treatment starts so just stop moaning Dan.
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Mixed emotions
I have another sunday at home where I am not going out yeaah I know I said I was going to avoid this however after a week of ups and downs I need a break to reflect. My mood changes have not been so much rapid as is common with bipolar but they have not been consistent so I feel maybe this has been a depression week rather then a bipolar week. Is this good who knows?
This week ahead will involve more travelling for work and my mental health screen on Tuesday, watch this space!
This week ahead will involve more travelling for work and my mental health screen on Tuesday, watch this space!
Friday, 22 January 2010
Feeling a little refreshed
Today seems a more positive day after what has proven to be a difficult few days. It is my day off and I intend to go out and face the world with a good nights sleep this has been made a whole lot easier.
I have just had my first appointment through for a mental health screen which is on Tuesday so it looks like I am a step closer to getting some real treatment. I hope this is a sign of things to come although I know there will be some conflict at work tommorow.
I have just had my first appointment through for a mental health screen which is on Tuesday so it looks like I am a step closer to getting some real treatment. I hope this is a sign of things to come although I know there will be some conflict at work tommorow.
Monday, 18 January 2010
Outside influence
Today has been a real roller coaster of a day.
Work stress has given my mood changes a hard push into both directions, some of my major concerns with Bipolar is how this may affect my relationships at work and more importantly at home. I found myself overcome with guilt today at how I reacted to a stressed situation. The person on the receiving end of my hot headed temper may have not deserved full respect from me due to the fact that she questioned my integrity that I worked very hard to achieve, however I must learn to control my defences.
Whilst I will only learn from my mistakes, my mistakes could be some of the last ones I make in my career and that's something I cannot afford to loose. I know I will later be glad of days like these to help me learn and accept what is happening to me I just hope that there are not too many. I feel this week may have more challenges ahead eek!
Work stress has given my mood changes a hard push into both directions, some of my major concerns with Bipolar is how this may affect my relationships at work and more importantly at home. I found myself overcome with guilt today at how I reacted to a stressed situation. The person on the receiving end of my hot headed temper may have not deserved full respect from me due to the fact that she questioned my integrity that I worked very hard to achieve, however I must learn to control my defences.
Whilst I will only learn from my mistakes, my mistakes could be some of the last ones I make in my career and that's something I cannot afford to loose. I know I will later be glad of days like these to help me learn and accept what is happening to me I just hope that there are not too many. I feel this week may have more challenges ahead eek!
Sunday, 17 January 2010
The start of self mending
Well here it goes the start of me realising that I have a problem and I need some help. The problem is that the only true help that I can see will work is self help. I mean yeah there are Doctors that give me medicine and Councillers that specialise with Bipolar and of course my family and friends are great but I need to accept this myself!
It has been just over a week since I visited the Doctor and came to this realisation that I have had symptons of Biploar for years. At first I felt a sense of relief after being worried about what was happening to me, but know I am confused and unsure of my path onwards.
Today is Sunday so I am not at work and yet again I am spending the day at home without leaving the house. I am worried that I have not been out much lately accept for going to work, I dont know why I have this new found fear of the outside world but whilst I am feeling safe I do not want to rock the boat. I need to spend the next few days considering how to motivate myself.
It has been just over a week since I visited the Doctor and came to this realisation that I have had symptons of Biploar for years. At first I felt a sense of relief after being worried about what was happening to me, but know I am confused and unsure of my path onwards.
Today is Sunday so I am not at work and yet again I am spending the day at home without leaving the house. I am worried that I have not been out much lately accept for going to work, I dont know why I have this new found fear of the outside world but whilst I am feeling safe I do not want to rock the boat. I need to spend the next few days considering how to motivate myself.
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